Human Polly Pocket, Betty Boop with Twitter, and detainer of the world's straighest Good Luck, Babe cover Sabrina Carpenter released a new album yesterday called Short 'n Sweet. I'm too lazy to look it up right now, but it must be her sixth record or something; that girl's been around for AGES.
I've been a Sabrina fan since 2019 and yes, I'm mostly saying that so you'll think "wow, she's been here for the long ride!", because yes, I have. I always knew she had what it takes to be a star. When the whole Driver's License drama happened, I was so excited for her response, as I thought this would finally give her the push she needed to become mainstream. When Skin came out, however, I was beyond disappointed.
I'm very happy she's finally getting the recognition she deserves, and I'm also very worried she'll soon do something slightly annoying or morally wrong, get "canceled", and people will hate her for no reason, because it happens to every single female celebrity that has ever gotten big.
Anyway, Short 'n Sweet is an excellent album, as she literally keeps it short and sweet. Emails I Can't Send is a good album with a terrible name and too many unnecessary songs. I think Sabrina has finally got the hang of what makes a good tracklist, so here's my ranking of Short 'n Sweet (which will most likely change with time as I rediscover some songs and grow bored of others):
- 12. Lie to Girls
- 11. Don't Smile
- 10. Dumb & Poetic
- 09. Sharpest Tool
- 08. Slim Pickins
- 07. Good Graces
- 06. Bed Chem
- 05. Coincidence
- 04. Juno
- 03. Please Please Please
- 02. Espresso
- 01. Taste
There's nothing wrong with this song, but I'm also definitely never hearing it ever again.
Part of her merch involves this song's lyrics (I can't find the damn merch now so I can link to it, but please believe me! I wouldn't lie to you!!), and the whole "girls will [...]" outro just sounds like something she came up with so people can wear it on shirts, put it on Instagram captions, and use it for TikTok edits.
This is a great closer; the lyrics aren't just talking about a past relationship that left her broken-hearted, they're also addressing the listener who has just finished the album and is now presumably also broken-hearted that it's ended. With that being said, it's a really boring song for me and I will also never listen to it again.
Very evocative lyrics; I can 100% picture the guy she's describring. Unfortunately, I don't really care about this song. Maybe it's because I can't relate? I would never fall for a dumb guy that pretends to be an intellectual. Or, well, any guy, I guess.
We are now getting into my favorite songs off the record. This one has a great chorus and an even better refrain. Sabrina's great at dissing ex-boyfriends while still admitting she's part of the problem. With that being said, I'm pretty sure Shawn Mendes is the only person capable of finding God at Camila Cabello's house.
I've had a lot of love for this song ever since Sabrina performed it live before the album dropped. She just sold it really well. She also taught me a new expression in English (slim pickins), which I'm grateful for. I love how you're always learning new things when studying a language, even after you become a fluent speaker.
I don't care what some of the online lesbians have to say, the line where Sabrina complains she hasn't had a "gay awakening" (that will definitely be used against her when she gets "canceled" a while from now, by the way) is funny and also means absolutely nothing. Sabrina's like my super straight friend who's a bit out of touch, but I still love her anyway.
I don't have much to say about this one. Very catchy chorus, but I hate the line "this cute ass bye-bye."
Definitely one of her best songs ever. The only reason it's not higher is because I'm not a fan of the line "who's the cute boy with the white jacket and the thick accent?", or the way she delivers it, or the fact she makes it so obvious it's about Barry Keoughan. Trust me, girl, we get it. You're in love (I'm still on the fence whether they're PR, to be honest. I thought Camila and Shawn were, but clearly I was mistaken).
Also one of her best songs ever. Sabrina might be the only person capable of making me care about country (Beyoncé didn't do it, unfortunately, and neither did Gaga, even though she tried really hard).
A song about being so horny that you might let a man get you pregnant is kind of genius? Also very straight, but in a fun, "I wish I could relate" way, if that makes sense.
Queen of knowing how to pick a second single. Making a song about not wanting Barry Keoughan to embarrass you while you're making sure everyone knows you're dating is very funny. I feel like this is one of the rare cases where having your SO appear in your music video won't harm that video or song later down the line.
Also, I love this one's outro.
What else can be said about Espresso that hasn't already been said? This song is so unbelievably catchy. It's full of funny, dumb-but-smart one-liners.
One of the things I've always loved about Sabrina is how confident she is, but not in a fake "all pop music needs to be about how hot I am" way, if you know what I mean. Rather, it's in a realistic, "I'm a hot girl and I know it" way. What I mean is, she sells her confidence well. I won't name names, but a certain fellow blonde who's kind of her mentor doesn't do it nearly as well, and she's been trying for years.
Queen of knowing how to pick a THIRD single! Also queen of queerbaiting (I love a good Britney x Madonna moment).
This is such a fun, borderline psychopathic song. Telling your ex's current girlfriend she'll always feel your taste when she kisses him is crazy and obsessiv, in a hot girl way. Also kind of gay?